No one understands you, and what to do about it

Heidi Grant Halvorson

Physical

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Have you ever felt you're not getting through to the person you're talking to or not coming across the way you intend? You're not alone. That's the bad news. But there is something we can do about it. Heidi Grant Halvorson, social psychologist and bestselling author, explains why we're often misunderstood and how we can fix that.

Most of us assume that other people see us as we see ourselves and that they see us as we truly are. But neither is true. Our everyday interactions are colored by subtle biases that distort how others see us—and also shape our perceptions of them. You can learn to clarify the message you're sending once you understand the lenses that shape perception:

Trust - Are you friend or foe?

Power - How much influence do you have over me?

Ego - Do you make me feel insecure?

Based on decades of research in psychology and social science, Halvorson explains how these lenses affect our interactions and how to manage them. Once you understand the science of perception, you'll communicate more clearly, send the messages you intend to send and improve your personal relationships. You'll also become a fairer and more accurate judge of others. Halvorson even offers an evidence-based action plan for repairing a damaged reputation. This book is not about making a good impression, although it will certainly help you do that. It's about coming across as you intend. It's about the authenticity we all strive for.

Salient Features:

Explains the psychological underpinnings of communication, the lenses of perception, how they work, and how to use them to your advantage

Based on peer-reviewed psychological research

Includes practical tips and sample situations to explain specifics to readers

What will you learn from this book

  1. Perception Matters:

    • The book highlights the importance of understanding how others perceive you. Perception shapes relationships, opportunities, and overall success, both personally and professionally.
  2. The Perception Gap:

    • Halvorson introduces the concept of the "perception gap," which is the divide between how you see yourself and how others see you. Recognizing and closing this gap is crucial for effective communication and relationship-building.
  3. Feedback is Limited:

    • People often receive limited and biased feedback. The book discusses the challenges of obtaining accurate feedback and offers strategies for seeking constructive input to improve self-awareness.
  4. Mindsets and Perceptions:

    • Halvorson explores how different mindsets, such as a fixed mindset or a growth mindset, can influence the way others perceive you. Adopting a growth mindset can positively impact how others view your abilities and potential.
  5. Effective Communication:

    • The book provides insights into effective communication, emphasizing the importance of aligning your message with how others perceive you. Understanding your audience and adjusting your communication style accordingly is key.
  6. Authenticity and Perception:

    • Halvorson discusses the balance between being authentic and adapting to different situations. Being aware of how your authentic self is perceived allows for more intentional and effective communication.
  7. Identity and Stereotypes:

    • The book delves into the role of identity and how stereotypes can shape perceptions. Halvorson provides strategies for managing stereotypes and influencing the way others see you.
  8. Building Trust:

    • Trust is a critical component of effective relationships. The book explores how perceptions of competence, warmth, and trustworthiness contribute to building and maintaining trust with others.
  9. The Power of Small Changes:

    • Small adjustments in behavior and communication can have a significant impact on how others perceive you. The book suggests practical steps for making these changes to improve your relationships and professional interactions.
  10. Owning Your Reputation:

    • Halvorson encourages readers to take control of their reputation by actively managing how they are perceived. This involves understanding the power of first impressions, body language, and consistent behaviors.
Language English
ISBN-10 1625274122
ISBN-13 9781625274120
No of pages 224
Font Size Medium
Book Publisher Harvard Business Review Press
Published Date 10 May 2015

About Author

Author : Heidi Grant Halvorson

1 Books

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